If, on the other hand, you are not me and you are reading this without permission, and I am not dead... get yer cottin'-pickin' hands offen my book and keep yer nose where it belongs!!
If I'm dead -- go ahead an' read it. By the way, it is all true.
TIME PERIOD OF READER UNKNOWN.
TOTAL IGNORANCE ASSUMED.
I don't know your identity. I don't know if you know me or when you will read this. I'll have to assume you know next to nothing about me or my era.
So now I will tell you about myself, O Mysterious Reader. I'll continue this description for as many days as it takes, inserting only those current events which seem really worth putting down. So here goes:
My name is, of course, Barton Paul Everson. I am a male U.S. citizen (born that way) of sixteen years. I was born on the 17th day of January in 1967 A.D. In thirteen days I'll celebrate my 17th birthday.
Oops -- time for bed!