Hoosiers Fight Back!

February 4th, 2010 by Editor B

angry mob

Enraged Hoosiers / CC BY 2.0

It’s almost heartening to see the Indianapolis folk awaken from their torpor and struggle to mount a defense against the mountains of factual evidence I’ve been compiling over the last couple days.

Of course, in typical Hoosier fashion, their counterattacks fall somewhat short of the mark, to say the least. Unfortunately ineptitude is sort of a tradition up there in Indy.

First we have some guy name Chris who’s all in a huff, man. He’s formulated a list of “5 Reasons New Orleans (and Louisiana in general) SUX” (typical Hoosier spelling) which he posted on this blog — twice.

He says we’re violent, ignorant, fat, corrupt, and racist. I fervently wish I could deny those allegations, but I can’t. I’m nothing if not a stickler for the truth, and I’m not one to gloss over serious problems.

However — and this applies to all who hate on NOLA — you really need to think twice about that strategy. It won’t work, and it might even backfire.

See, after our city was flooded in 2005, we got help from people all over the country. Along with that help, we also saw an outpouring of internet-hatred which I don’t think those elsewhere in the country can really imagine.

In other words, we’ve heard it all before. We’ve read it all before. We’ve chosen to make a stand, and we’re battle-hardened. As we’ve struggled to rebuild we’ve had to re-examine every aspect of life here, and we are more aware of our flaws than you — painfully so. Some of us are fighting to make it better.

Meanwhile, beyond the Crescent City, everybody’s rooting for us. We’re the underdog, and America loves an underdog. So disparaging NOLA just makes you look like a poor sport.

Hey, I warned you at the outset this wasn’t going to be fair.

Furthermore, Chris, I have to point out that your list stops at a scant five items. I’ve compiled twenty facts about Indy, and I’m only just warming up. You’ve got your work cut out for you. Despite what your Hoosier math skills might tell you, posting the same list twice doesn’t make it ten.

OK, next up: This blog also got a comment from the Marketing Director for the Indianapolis Convention and Visitors Association. Her remarks were so sincere and so heartfelt they almost made me cry. Almost. It does occur to me that this poor woman has one tough job. She has to try to get people to come to Indianapolis. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for her? You’d have to be a hardhearted curmudgeon indeed.

The real shitstorm (sorry Mom) has been on Facebook. There has been a group formed called Bart Everson is not welcome in Indianapolis. Unfortunately for poor Nate, the founder, it was quickly flooded (oops, bad choice of words) by New Orleans residents and Who Dats from around the country. On last review, I see Nate is considering signing ownership of the group over to me. “Maybe I should just surrender… I’m a stranger in my own group!”

Ya gotta feel sorry for these Hoosiers. You really do.

Meanwhile, that Chris Huff Man has been huffing and puffing on Facebook as well. He commented on my status — again and again and again and again — on every status update I’ve posted over the past couple days.

Chris commented on my status.

And it was the same comment each time. Not much content actually. Just a link. A link to a picture…

Colts = Katrina?

What’s that? It appears to be a Colts logo superimposed on Hurricane Katrina as it bore down on the Gulf Coast five years ago.

Classy.

However, this is yet another example of Hoosier strategy gone terribly wrong. You see, the game isn’t in New Orleans. It’s actually in Miami. Y’all are welcome to send “Hurricane Coltrina” our way to join the party, of course.

This graphic is much superior.

Hurricane Whodat

I’m sure all will agree that “Hurricane Whodat” shows greater creativity and subtlety. But that’s the kind of quality — the passion — the attention to detail — I’ve come to expect from Saints fans.

I can only hope the Colts bring a stronger game on Sunday. Really, I mean that. I want the Saints to win, of course. But if the Colts come as weak as their fans, it won’t be much of game.

Footnote: I don’t even have the heart to ridicule these guys:

Stay tuned — more important and incontrovertible Indy Facts are coming soon.

9 Responses to “Hoosiers Fight Back!”

  1. jeffrey Says:

    B, I know this is all tongue-in-cheek but what’s interesting is the way the “Coltrina” graphic… while not exactly classy… didn’t quite evoke the same reaction this stuff did four years ago. Do you think that’s because “hostility” from Indianapolis just isn’t something anyone can take seriously regardless of form ? Or do you think it has something to do with the time between now and the event? Or is it something else?

  2. jeffrey Says:
  3. Elis Says:

    You’re having too much fun poking on Indy, b. This might be a good script for ROX , but you might have to travel here to film it.

  4. Jumping Johnny Says:

    Hilarious.
    Bart, can you update the Rox site to reflect my yahoo address?
    Oddly some random punk rockers found me here but it has my non-existant netscape email address.
    A few thoughts on the above post.
    It was just a few years ago that Indy was the NFL’s po’ boy, always getting thumped by the Brady-Patriots, missing out on going to the Super Bowl, always a bridesmaid, never the bride.
    Whoop-de-do, we actually beat Chicago (and Bloomington native Rex Grossman) and win the darn thing- now we’re suddenly the New York Yankees of the NFL.
    There’s no doubt that the Katrina angle makes the heart strings swell for Nawlins, as well it should.
    Unfortunately you’re forgetting one tiny Karma factor in all of this.
    I’m speaking of…..Archie Manning.
    You see, I know a little about this – my mom was born and raised in Greenville, Mississippi.
    Around our house the disasterous treatment of the Greatest College Quarterback Of All Time (look it up – it’s very nearly true) by the New Orleans Saints was a frequent topic of discussion, and of much head shaking.
    You have to understand – there was no NFL in Indiana, so there was no interest in the Colts, but for us there was an interest in Archie Manning’s multi year career w/the Saints.
    And now…….the Saints’ Karma Bill is due.
    It isn’t expensive, mind you.
    No eternity boiling in oil, no first born child, nothing like that.
    Oh no.
    Merely a denying of a fervant dream deposited in a Vince Lombardi Trophy, wrapped in plastic beads, and swooned over.
    And to be savored by a blue horseshoe wearing athlete, out to even the scales from wrongs inflicted decades ago.
    Who dat?
    Why, Peyton Manning, of course – the progidal son of the Greatest College Quarterback Of All Time, Archie Manning.
    It’s a shame, of course, for the Big Easy but nothing personal, for as it has been said many times before, “The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son.”
    And vice-a-versa.
    Ah well – life has a funny way of evening things out.
    But in the inevitable Indianapolis Colts victory, I will think of you, and of all the long suffering residents of the Crescent City.
    A small tear shall trickle down my cheek, but I will buck up and say,
    “Fair’s fair – if you only had invested in a decent offense line 40 some odd years ago, you wouldn’t now feel the pain. Too bad, so sad.”

  5. Maitri Says:

    Given that Hurricane Katrina “hit” areas east of New Orleans and demolished many homes in Kiln, MS, including the childhood home of one Vikings quarterback, this hurts the team whom the Saints beat a couple of weeks ago rather than us.

    Maybe I should make a graphic of a giant crawfish overtaking Indianapolis dripping globs of spice in its wake.

  6. ecm Says:

    this california lurker was indifferent to this & most super bowls but i have to say that this intra-state flame war gave me a better understanding of both locales & has actually left me interested in the outcome if only to see who gets to crow come monday – way to up the ante & stir the pot mr b.rox

  7. LIzzy Says:

    I luv it Bart T.

  8. Michael Homan Says:

    You’re right when you say we’ve heard it all before. The best pregame reading on the net is on b.rox.

  9. Jack Schick Says:

    Obviously,
    given Haiti–Obama–Miami–Rick Sanchez on CNN–we are
    facing a
    VooDoo Bowl!!!
    Notice the Joint Chiefs insisting there WILL be an “Al Kyda” attack!
    Dianne Feinstein Calls the Roll—YES! There MUST be another attack!
    We, the Joint Chiefs, are bizzy PLANNING the next “Al Kyda” attack!
    Bizzniss izz Bizzniss!
    You think You want to be in Miami?

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