I picked up a bag of your Pecan Almond Peanut Clusters at the store the other day, and have found them quite delicious. In fact, they are alarmingly habit-forming.
Upon examining the nutritional information on the back of the package, I was pleased to see a list of only six simple ingredients, instead of a bunch of chemicals I can’t pronounce. Well done.
However, as my eyes drifted to the right, I found my pleasure in your product somewhat diminished by the following promotional prose:
Our nut clusters are guided by these product truths.
Ack! I put it to you that nut clusters are not capable of being guided by any truths, be they “product truths” or some other less dubious form of wisdom. Nor are nut clusters capable of being led astray by falsehoods. That’s because nut clusters are not sentient, not capable of thinking and reasoning in the way that you and I are. (Though in light of your decision to run this copy, your thinking and reasoning abilities are certainly open to question.) And what the hell is a “product truth” anyway? It sounds like something an overzealous marketing student cooked up after too much organic sugar.
It is an unfortunate fact that awkward marketing phrases tend to have an effect that might best be described as the reverse of appetizing. In other words, I nearly gagged on my nut cluster.
I recommend replacing this infelicitous passage with the following:
Our truth clusters are guided by these product nuts.
It’s nonsense, but then so is the original. I think my rearrangement has a more poetic ring to it. Please contact me if you’re interested in using it. My freelance rates are quite reasonable, and I’m sure we can reach a mutually beneficial remunerative agreement in very short order.
Sincerely, respectfully, et cetera, et cetera.