Someone Crapped in Our Yard!
August 23rd, 2007 by Editor BYesterday morning, between the hours of 9:00 AM and noon, someone came into our backyard and took a crap.
Yup. The mysterious intruder moved a plank of wood and a cat dish into strategic position and took a big old dump. Then, apparently, he or she wiped his or her ass with some torn up sheet music.
I figure someone had to go really bad and didn’t have access to a toilet. There’s a whole crew of guys working on Gwen’s house (her property abuts ours) whom I now regard with extreme suspicion.
I’ve taken steps to secure the perimeter.
Brace yourself for the most bizarre detail of all: When I called NOPD to report this incident, the person on the other end of the line was actually polite and seemed competent. I was more shocked by that than the discovery of human feces in our back yard.
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Where did the torn up sheet music come from???
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm
What was the name of the song?
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Someone did the same thing in our front yard during the evacuation, replete with paper and all. The niceness that followed? My neighbor cleaned it up before I could! A real saint.
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:18 pm
NOPD was just placating you. They’re not going to catch the crapper. But you knew that, eh?
Oh yeah, faster, Rox, faster!
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Are you sure, you’re not dreaming the whole thing? The polite NOPD operator seems like a dead giveaway.
August 24th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Maybe he (and let’s face it, it was a he) was just trying to fertilize your garden–you know, do you a favor. He might even say he was doing you a solid.
August 24th, 2007 at 7:48 am
I would stay away from those tomatoes if I were you.
August 24th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Did you really use the word “abuts”? Seriously, until I heard that he/she wiped I thought it might’ve been a racoon. We have them in Carrollton.
August 24th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Sucks man, at least you’re finding humor in the situation Bart!
August 24th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
yuck-
August 24th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
My friends who lived on Napoleon and Tonti actually caught a crapper in the act in their ground floor “garage” area. The girl was a teenager, and just kept on with her business. By their report, she was not particularly ashamed. Her explanation was “oooo, I really had da go!” or something like that.
I have to say, after I did a residency at Wilson Elementary, the NOPS school for that neighborhood, I can see how public defecation would not seem that outrageous, considering the state of the restrooms there. No toilet paper, no soap, vines growing in through broken windows, roaches, fruit flies…..you get the picture.
August 27th, 2007 at 8:24 am
One of the workers on our house did the same behind my garage before the general contractor got the Porta-can out onto the property. I glanced behind the garage looking for something or other, and noticed that one of the Deck-Bloks that I’d arranged so neatly when I demo’d the deck before construction started was kind of off away from the others. I went to pick it up to put it back in the stack….and saw that it was covering a big formerly steaming pile, along with the instruction sheets from a heater/light/fan that had served as toilet paper.
All I could think was “Compadre, dig a hole, por favor….” LOL
August 30th, 2007 at 11:45 am
OMG! I’m laughing so hard right now.
That’s CRAZY!