When my daughter was small she would often ask for an explanation of a circumstance. When I was thru explaining she would ask. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Most often my answer was “It is what it is” Which would infuriate her. She wanted to close the door on it, know what to think and move on.

I feel the same way about wet/dry. “It is what it is” That having been flooded and then have the attendant chaos in regards to recovery is quite diffrent from being dry. Which is not to dismiss that experience. The dry folks are living with added stress on a fragile infrastructure, worse than crappy schools, a sort of no end in sight perspective, often times without the galvanizing option of Neighborhood work,because there are fewer passionate issues.

So wet/dry iskind of like empathy/experience. Those that flood have a level of empathy and vica versa, those that are dry have the same. But the division is there which is not to say it is an excuse,just a reality.

You and I are not close friends, but I have always enjoyed our friendship. I enjoy your intelligence, kindness, openness and compassion. Your commitment to community is inspiring.

At some point recently, I have felt a change in our relationship. I noticed the change after Helen was killed. When I’ve tried to engage you, I’ve felt like we didn’t connect like we have before. Granted, it was subtle; but it didn’t escape my notice.

At first, I wondered if you still liked me, but I think that was my own insecurity talking. I know Helen’s murder hit you hard. From your public journaling, I know it swirls at the center of a despair that includes your neighborhood’s slow recovery and other dark realities of living in this city right now. Given the disparity between all you are giving to this city and what you’re getting back from it right now, I think these feelings are very understandable.

So, for what it’s worth, I noticed a change too. I don’t think you are a bad friend. I just think you may be in over your head, which always comes with side effects.

True friends will call you out… or kick you in the ass when needed.

Frankly it’s kind of like marriage. We all need people we can trust to tell us when we’re fuckin up.

Don;t feel bad….Just explain. we here even on high ground have been through holyhell too.

Don’t be so hard on yourself

Kimmie

Sorry for so many comments but I guess my experience is still an open wound and I hope my insight helps you.

What it comes down to is do you value this friendship or not? It really is that simple. Communication is always a positive and if your friend cannot be honest with you, then you’re not a friend at all. Just an acquaintance.

If your friend had kept quiet about how he felt it would be the same as blowing you off. Not worth the effort. Obviously, he doesn’t feel this way.

I seriously doubt anyone you would be friends with would consider the wet/dry thing an issue.